Naked sunbathing and other naughty things you should never, ever do on a ship’s balcony

That balcony on a cruise ship looks so enticing, but it’s not free. Why would you fork over the money?

For one, you can feel fresh air against your face anytime of the day or night. And you can avoid the crowds and zone out looking at the sea. You can even sunbathe in the nude.

Or maybe not that last one, which made the “Don’t Do It” list in a recent CruiseCritic.com article “10 Things Not to Do on a Cruise Ship Balcony.”

People whose cabins are above yours or to either side of you can often see, smell and hear what you’re up to, even though you’re unaware of them.

Here are 10 things the website recommends you avoid doing on a balcony.

►Smoking. Even if your line hasn’t banned smoking on balconies — and many have — it’s annoying to those around you who would like to breathe fresh sea air, not smoke from your cigarette, cigar or pipe. Stick with assigned smoking areas if there are any.

►Playing loud music: Your idea of relaxing tunes might drive your neighbor batty.

►Getting frisky. It might seem romantic to have sex on the deck, but other people can see you, and it can be dangerous too.

“A man allegedly jumped off his veranda in an attempt to rescue his significant other after knocking her overboard during an outdoor rendezvous” in 2007, Cruise Critic wrote.

Luckily, they survived. Imagine trying to explain it to the rescue crew.

►Baring it all. Naked sunbathing is a no-no. You could be putting on a show for people on other decks.

►Standing or climbing on furniture or railings or throwing things overboard.

Cruise lines have strict rules about dropping things overboard — with good reason. You could hit someone below, or if you drop a lighted cigarette, it might blow back and start a fire.

►Drying your clothes.

►Leaving the outside light or or the sliding door to the cabin open. That’s an energy drain because of cabin air conditioning.

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