The Times’ NBA rankings

‘ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE’

1. MIAMI (57-15) Nothing makes starting over easier than a game against the Hornets. (1)

2. SAN ANTONIO (55-17) As mobster Danny Vermin would say, Rockets beat Spurs once . . . ONCE! (2)

‘WE ARE THE KNIGHTS WHO SAY “NI” ’

3. OKLAHOMA CITY (54-20) Another streak ends when Derek Fisher makes a shot after 19 straight misses. (3)

4. DENVER (50-24) Ty Lawson’s torn plantar fascia takes plenty of vroom out of speed racers. (4)

5. MEMPHIS (49-24) Zach Randolph generates so many rumors he should be in Star magazine. (5)

6. CLIPPERS (49-25) Here’s guessing team won’t hang Pacific Division title banner at Staples Center. (6)

7. INDIANA (47-27)
Twenty-five point blowout of bearded Mavericks won’t go down as a close shave. (7)

8. NEW YORK (45-26) It’s getting to be that time of year again when Knicks go one and undone. (8)

9. BROOKLYN (42-31) Not even 20-20 vision could foresee Reggie Evan’s 22-point, 26-rebound night. (9)

‘IT’S JUST A FLESH WOUND’

10. GOLDEN STATE (42-32) David Lee, Dwight Howard won’t be on Kiss Cam in April 12 rematch. (10)

11. ATLANTA (41-33) Sixth straight playoff appearance won’t include first conference finals since ’70. (11)

12. CHICAGO (39-32) Of course, if Bulls met Heat in the playoffs they would need to win four times. (14)

13. HOUSTON (40-33) Omer Asik’s mantra: Flop on. Flop off. Flop on, flop off, the flopper! (12)

14. BOSTON (38-34) Kevin Garnett could return just in time for first-round playoff exit. (15)

15. UTAH (38-36) Team written off more than interest on student loans now taking others to school. (17)

16. LAKERS (38-36) Underperforming team receives tips from Bob Uecker while in Milwaukee. (13)

17. MILWAUKEE (35-37) Brandon Jennings’ new tell-all to be named “Stories from the bench.” (16)

18. DALLAS (36-37) Should have serenaded Lamar Odom with “Can You Feel the Love Tonight?” (18)

19. PORTLAND (33-40) Only history to be made would be denying Lakers back-to-back victories. (19)

‘BRING OUT YOUR DEAD’
20. PHILADELPHIA (30-43) 76ers honor Allen Iverson with bobblehead, try to sign him for rest of season. (22)

21. WASHINGTON (26-46) Who knew? Woeful Wizards actually have winning record since Feb. 1. (20)

22. TORONTO (27-45) Every game at Air Canada Centre is now preceded by “Woe Canada.” (21)

23. MINNESOTA (26-46) Kobe Bryant’s game-ending foul on Ricky Rubio isn’t exactly a Whodunit. (23)

24. SACRAMENTO (27-47) DeMarcus Cousins puts season of hiccups on pause to swallow the Suns. (24)

25. DETROIT (24-49) The standings don’t lie, though the Pistons often wish they could fib just a little. (26)

26. PHOENIX (23-51) Suns list Goran Dragic as DNP—Tanking in hopes of another lottery pick. (25)

27. NEW ORLEANS (25-48) Dropping Hornets nickname won’t ensure any more buzz in 2013-14. (27)

28. CLEVELAND (22-49) Team can’t even tell fans “Come watch our future!” with Irving, Waiters out. (28)

29. ORLANDO (19-55) Hedo Turkoglu’s back . . . just in time to play for Fenerbahce Ulker in Turkey. (29)

‘AND FINALLY, MONSIEUR, A WAFER-THIN MINT’

30. CHARLOTTE (17-56) Josh McRoberts may have finally found a permanent McResidence here. (30)