Apodaca: This word causes almost everyone stress, but can you remember it?
We all encounter certain words, phrases, terms or names that evoke strong feelings.
For example, I wince whenever I hear “no offense.” That’s because of the certainty that those words will be followed by a “but” and then an insult or that the insult was already delivered and the speaker senses the need for an easy, blame-free recovery. It’s as if we’ve deemed it socially acceptable to say something offensive if we simply accompany the negative statement with a disclaimer.
No way I’m falling for that trick. If you’re going to diss me, at least have the courage to own it.
There are plenty of other instances when seemingly innocuous words, alone or strung together, can send our anxiety levels skyrocketing. “We need to talk.” “The test results are in.” “Please hold.” “Whatever.” (Imagine the last one delivered by a 15-year-old with an attitude.)
But there is one that just might stand above all the rest. It could even been deemed the GOAT — greatest of all time — stress-inducing set of letters. Not only does it get high points for diabolism disguised as banality, but it’s arguably unmatched for its prevalence in everyday life and its ability to frustrate even the most intelligent, sophisticated and emotionally grounded among us.
What is this champion of all headache-provoking, blood pressure-spiking words?
“Password.”
Indeed, this ordinary, unassuming little word is so impressively dreadful that it has spawned a phrase to describe the singular distress it causes: “Password hell.”
Have you ever been stuck in an endless loop of entering a password, failing to log in, setting a new password, and having that password rejected because it’s the same password you previously used? Then you try to set a new password but it lacks the required number of capital letters, numerals and special characters? On and on, and before you know it, you’re locked out of your own account?
You’re in password hell.
Have you ever been notified that your password is too easy to guess and may be compromised? And you’re advised that you should create long, complicated passwords that are unique to each account that you use, and they should be changed regularly to other long, complicated, unique passwords?
You’re in password hell.
Have you gone into panic attack-mode when you’ve heard a family member shout from the other room, “What’s the password?” And then you must search for the list of saved passwords you keep on a piece of paper or on your device, and that list might or might not include the one that you’re looking for, or it’s out of date, because, let’s face it, there is no perfect system for keeping track of your log-in information.
Where are you?
Say it with me. Password hell.
The conservative majority of the City Council faces a groundswell of opposition to its policies, especially its exploration of library privatization.
Studies have shown that most people try to escape password hell by doing exactly what cybersecurity experts tell them not to do. They use the same password for everything, and by everything I mean the 70 or 80 or hundreds of password-protected sites that the average person frequents.
Or they use “password” as their password. This is shocking, yes, but it’s also understandable from a mental-health perspective. They have chosen to risk having their accounts hacked over becoming consumed by the hell fires that accompany a forgotten password.
There’s another term I’ve come across to describe the condition that leads to such complacency: “password fatigue.”
That fatigue is likely compounded by the extra security measures that have been devised to try to protect our private information — steps that I view as a tacit admission by those in charge of internet security that they don’t remotely have a handle on keeping our information safe.
We have, for example, two-factor authentication, which involves sending a one-time code to your smartphone that must be entered before you can access your account.
Or you might encounter special software that recognizes your face or fingerprint. I find this feature not only glitchy and unreliable but also extremely creepy because it calls to mind a Dan Brown book I once read that features a plot point in which the bad guys override eye-recognition security in the most horrific way imaginable.
Another extra protective layer might include security questions — such as mother’s maiden name, first pet or the street you grew up on — which feel like a strangely low-tech way to fix a technology issue.
I’m equally dubious of password managers, which are software systems designed to keep track of your passwords for you. Can they be trusted? Who knows?
The trouble is that these measures do nothing to address the root of the problem, which is that our world is entirely dependent on the internet. For all the good it has enabled, it is also our Frankenstein monster, continually evolving beyond our ability to control it. The whole experiment has run amok, and password hell is merely one aspect of that.
Part of me hasn’t given up hope that some Silicon Valley geniuses will use their brainpower to invent a more reasonable system. Someday, password hell will be a distant, detested memory.
Then again, maybe it’s too late, and we’re too engulfed in the inferno to turn back. We’ll just keep making password hell more hellish.
At least until A.I. takes over. Then none of it will matter anyway.
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