‘Dancing With the Stars’ recap: Bindi Irwin, Nick Carter, Alek Skarlatos head to finale

It’s nearly Thanksgiving, so it’s time for us to talk turkey, fellow “Dancing With the Stars” fans. Here goes: Bindi Irwin should and will win this season, unless she faceplants or jumps ship.

At this point, she’d almost have to commit a murder -- of ballroom darling Derek Hough, no less – to lose this thing.

The judges, notoriously and historically nitpicky of a front-runner like her, have harped on her shoulders and posture and hips (not enough swivel, said an overly critical Julianne Hough recently). But Bindi’s worked on all of that and, after coming in as a complete novice, has blown everyone out of the water, consistently, week to week.

Her final three competitors, on the other hand, have been on performance roller coasters, with ups and down, highs and lows. There have been standout numbers, like Alek Skarlatos’ first perfect-scoring waltz from the semifinals, but these guys are all over the map. Affable, talented and magnetic, each in his own way, but they’re not as skilled on the dance floor as the perpetually upbeat Team Crikey teenager.

It may be harsh to say, but they are not downright adorable. Nor would most of us want to be stranded on a (critter-filled) desert island with them. And please, they couldn’t possibly pull off the following Bindi comment, said with earnest spontaneity amid a shower of confetti last week: “It’s raining happiness!” She didn’t just sell that line, she meant it, from the very core of her sunshiny being.

But between here and the title, there’s more dancing and a lot of filler. I’ll spend considerably less time on the latter. Sorry, devotees of Who is Fancy.

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The two-part finale kicked off Monday night and promised two dances from the celebrities -- judges’ choice, with Carrie Ann Inaba, Julianne Hough and Bruno Tonioli helping with choreography and creative concepts, and the much-ballyhooed freestyle, with additional dancers and special effects. (Don’t look now, here comes The Fog!)

Guests included pop star Meghan Trainor, hot off her on-stage makeout session on Sunday night’s American Music Awards, opening the program with her event-appropriate tune, “Better When I’m Dancin’.”

But come on, it was all about the contest and the scores. Which three celebs are continuing to battle for the crown? Read on to find out.

Let’s go in chronological order, starting with judge’s choice.

Carlos PenaVega and Witney Carson

Bruno said during rehearsal that Carlos can win, but he needs to stand out more in his upcoming dance. Witney quoted Will Smith, for some odd reason but ostensibly for motivation. The choreography on their foxtrot was beautiful, the performance emotive. Carlos processed every critique and note from the season, it seemed, and held his posture wonderfully. Julianne called it the “sexiest foxtrot ever,” and a “huge improvement.” Carrie Ann said he was “so deserving” to be in the final and “commanded the stage.”

Score: 30, his first perfect score of the contest

Alek Skarlatos and Lindsay Arnold

Coming off that perfectly scored waltz, Carrie Ann told Alek she needed to see more hip action from him. He protested for the millionth time that he’s not a sexy dude and he especially has trouble sexing it up with Lindsay because he thinks of her as a sister. Bruno said he “put so much commitment” into the rumba, but still stopped and started with his hip swivel. There was a gorgeous spin in there, and Carrie Ann saw an itty bitty teeny tiny bit of hip movement. Julianne said it takes a lot of courage to wear silver silk pajamas and ballroom dance in front of millions of viewers, and she admired his continued commitment. The technique? Well that still lags, but this was never a competition about just dancing anyway. Everyone knows that.

Score: 27

Nick Carter and Sharna Burgess

Nick had done the jive earlier in the season, and it didn’t go so well (a sad and paltry 21 on the scoreboard). He slipped and fell to the floor and didn’t hit his flicks and kicks. So Julianne and the rest of the judges thought it would be a good idea to make him do it again. Sadists! But he’s a different dancer now, as evidenced by his sharp and gutsy routine with the sizzling hot Sharna. He was obviously so much more comfortable with the style this time, and the number was packed with content. “That was ridiculous,” Carrie Ann said, calling it his “best performance of the whole contest.” Julianne said he “performed the crap” out of that jive.

Score: 30

Bindi Irwin and Derek Hough

Quickstep is the most difficult dance, so of course, the judges gave it to Bindi. Carrie Ann said during rehearsal that she wanted to see Bindi’s progression from an earlier performance, and Derek doubled over coughing during the pre-taped video. But the five-time Mirrorball champ would never let a thing like a head cold keep him down. Nor would he repeat mistakes from the past – cardinal rule of quickstep: do not break hold – and so he and Bindi did not. They were attached for that entire kicky, jaunty turbo-charged number. The crowd went wild, and Julianne called Bindi the Energizer bunny. Bruno said “every aspect was gleaming like a brilliant cut diamond,” and Carrie Ann said, “A star is born.”

Score: 30

Filler time, but it was fun to see Who is Fancy in a swingy green sequined jacket, trilling the new song, “Boys Like You,” with Ariana Grande and Trainor. No lip-synching!

Next up: freestyle, which has always been dubbed the “make or break” dance and one of the most important performances of the season. And it’s host Tom Bergeron’s fave.

Carlos and Witney

Carlos and Witney decided to invite his wife, Alexa PenaVega and two other previous contestants, Paula Deen (?) and Hayes Grier (?) to take part in their hip hop and salsa mix. Co-host Erin Andrews missed the email that would’ve included her, she said with only a little bitterness. Julianne said that kind of collaboration had never been done before, but “it worked” because it was “going for gold” and “taking risks.” “Hip hop hooray,” said Bruno, noting that it was “loaded with cheeky fun.” Carrie Ann said it was “the freshest, fly-est” freestyle she’d ever seen. I couldn’t take my eyes off Witney because she crushed that and should definitely do that style more often. But the whole thing was dope, as the kids say. (I’ll leave Paula’s legs out of this.)

Score: 30, his second-ever perfect score

Alek and Lindsay

Alek and Lindsay chose to simulate an Army obstacle course as the backdrop for their freestyle, complete with a steep climbing wall. There were rappelling and camouflage, an awesome lift and a trust fall at the end. Bruno complimented the choreography, which was incredibly creative, and Carrie Ann called it a victory from beginning to end. Julianne compared it to Tough Mudder and Spartan races, and said it was “physically and emotionally powerful.”

Score: 30

Bindi and Derek

Derek broke down in the rehearsal video talking about how much he loves Bindi and how well he wants to do for her. They’re both battered and bruised, but they tackled the most emotional subject, the loss of her father, wildlife conservationist Steve “Crocodile Hunter” Irwin to the tear-jerker tune, “Footprints in the Sand.” That gorgeous dance ended with a massive photo of Bindi and her dad, and not a dry eye in the house. And that, fellow fans, is why Derek is the winningest pro in “DWTS” history. Carrie Ann trotted out words like “artistry,” “power,” “charisma,” “poignancy.” Julianne wiped away tears and said she’s “left an imprint on all our hearts.” Unlike Derek, I was not under the influence of cold meds, and I cried anyway.

Score: 30, their second perfect score of the night

Nick and Sharna

Shocker: they picked a Backstreet Boys song, “Larger Than Life,” for their freestyle. Sharna’s already admitted to rampant fandom as a teenager, complete with Nick’s poster on her bedroom wall. The synchronized dance really benefitted from all those extra pros – it made a statement. And Nick was obviously in his comfort zone. Julianne thought it was “so far beyond” and “so tight,” with Nick holding his own next to all those pros. Carrie Ann said it was “incredibly freaking awesome.”

Score: 30, ditto on the perfect 60 tally from two dances

Somebody had to go home, and it was both judges' scores and viewer votes that counted. Competing for the Mirrorball: Alek and and super-surprised Lindsay (check out her incredible non-poker face), Bindi and Derek (to no one’s surprise), and Nick and Sharna (he surged at just the right time).

Despite his perfectly scored night, Carlos was eliminated, but he kept his great attitude to the end. He called it a “life changing” experience that strengthened his marriage.

To tide you over, fans, here’s a sneak of Tuesday night’s finale. There will be a “24-Hour Fusion Challenge,” where the competitors have to do a mashup of two dance styles that they had only one day to learn and practice.

And all 13 competitors will be back, including the still-convalescing Tamar Braxton, the hip-swiveling Victor Espinoza and the serial-mooning Paula Deen. “Real Housewives of Atlanta” alum Kim Zolciak, who suffered a mini-stroke and had to leave the contest, will finally get to do that “I Dream of Jeannie” samba. Excited? Check back tomorrow.

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