Not Just For Kids: ‘Spoiled’ by Heather Cocks and Jessica Morgan

Spoiled

A Novel

Heather Cocks and Jessica Morgan

Poppy/Hachette: 360 pp., $17.99 ages 15 and older

It’s fitting that the characters in a novel titled “Spoiled” would be named Brie, Arugula and Brick, especially since the setting is Hollywood and its authors are professional celebrity skewerers Heather Cocks and Jessica Morgan. The Fug Girls, as they’re known, write the laugh-out-loud fashion faux pas blog, Go Fug Yourself.

“Spoiled,” their first young-adult novel, is a natural extension of their talents.

In a book dripping with sarcasm, “Spoiled” charts the collision course of half sisters Molly Dix and Brooke Berlin, who hadn’t known of each other’s existence until Molly’s mother died and the two were forced to live together with their famous dad. Molly, it’s revealed, is the secret love child of action-star Brick Berlin, who’d had an affair during filming of his blockbuster “Rad Man.” Brooke is Brick’s daughter from a failed marriage. Both girls are almost 16.

It’s an apocryphal, if prescient storyline, in light of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s recent love-child revelation — one that’s sure to intrigue Hollywood watchers and fans of breathless, fashion-forward fiction. It’s a classic fish-out-of-water tale as Molly moves from the humble environs of West Cairo, Ind., to the posh digs of Bel Air and the private-school shenanigans of Colby-Randall Prep.

About the only things Brooke and Molly have in common are daddy’s DNA and subscriptions to Vogue magazine. While Molly knows the difference between Marchesa and Mossimo, Brooke’s the one “flexing the trusty plastic rectangles in her wallet.”

Having a surprise sibling was bad enough for Brooke. Having that sister occupy the same sprawling estate is “the worst catastrophe since high-waisted jeans,” and Brooke reacts the way any girl with a closet full of Marc Jacobs and Manolos would: by sabotaging her perceived competition, nonthreatening as Molly may seem in her Converse low-tops and no-name tank tops.

That’s when the promise of this salacious setup goes slightly awry. Being the spawn of an A-list celeb, Brooke is, predictably, popular at school. But Molly, who is also the child of the same A-lister, is immediately relegated to the role of nerdy outsider, which seems unlikely because Brick has proudly taken her in, even orchestrated her debut in the media.

Brick is so famous he has a cologne named after him; he can’t have dinner in public without women asking him to autograph their breasts. Yet Molly is the target of Brooke’s Operation Lose the Hoosier. She’s frequently the subject of barnyard jokes and pranks at school, like the time her locker is filled with corn husks.

It’s a disconnect that requires readers to take a leap of faith into a story that is basically a tale of sibling rivalry. What’s different about “Spoiled” is the au courant Hollywood twist, as Brooke spars Molly for their father’s attention, which is no easy feat because Brick is a narcissist.

Cocks and Morgan write like the seasoned L.A. insiders they are, with a fast-paced, gossipy style that pushes Hollywood tropes over the top into parody. The latest Hollywood diet fad is horse tranquilizers from Mexico. The gossip mag, Hey!, speculates whether Bieber Fever is an actual medical affliction.

With references to TV’s “Project Runway” winner Christian Siriano, Comedy Central superstar Stephen Colbert and other real, modern-day celebs, “Spoiled” won’t have much of a shelf life. And the whole book wraps up too quickly without some major subplots being resolved, but it’s a good first effort and a clever, entertaining read that’s sure to make its way into more than a few Missoni beach bags.

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