Katie Holmes and Jamie Foxx dating? Stop us if this rumor sounds familiar

Katie Holmes and Jamie Foxx are totally dating! They were totally photographed holding hands! It’s totally a new couple alert!

Or, wait -- it’s totally none of the above.

We’ve been through this before, of course. And now Us Weekly has a cover story all about Holmes, 36, and her “secret love” -- allegedly Foxx, 47 -- and that, along with a story People says is in its upcoming issue, is fueling the Jamie-and-Katie rumor machine yet again.

People’s online story is framed differently than Us has cast its cover piece: The former serves as a confirmation that the two have some sort of relationship -- as in, one in which they’ve spent time with one another as friends, which is not exactly news -- while also shooting holes in the notion that the two are romantically involved.

“This is not some intense romance,” a source told the magazine. “Jamie and Katie are friends and have been for a long time.”

Other sources reportedly told People that they don’t expect Holmes and Foxx to “take it to the next level.”

Wait, isn’t lots of next-level action implied by that Us cover, which declares, “Sleepovers at his house, he calls her ‘my girl’ -- how Katie’s fling with Jamie Foxx turned serious”? Oh yeah, that cover also alleges that Patrick Schwarzenegger “betrayed” Miley Cyrus over spring break. And that Duchess Catherine is having a baby. Wait -- the last one, that’s a real thing.

But wait again, isn’t there photographic evidence of Katie’s “secret love” (notably not referred to as her “secret lover”)?

Gossip Cop, which has been debunking the notion of a Holmes-Foxx coupling since 2013, put the grainy picture, published online Wednesday, in context: Seems it was taken at a read-through for an animated film, with other people present in the room, and was not a romantic gesture in the slightest.

Man, we could’ve told you that from their body language alone.

Even so, a source described as close to the situation dubbed the notion of the picture as proof of a romance “laughable,” the website said.

Totally.

Follow Christie D’Zurilla on Twitter @theCDZ and Google+. Follow the Ministry of Gossip on Twitter @LATcelebs.