The end of the year is often marked by holiday cheer, but questions like “Y el/la novio/a?” or comments about body image can shift the joyful spirit to a hostile environment.
Latino adults are more likely to feel socially uncomfortable during the holiday season compared with other racial and ethnic groups, according to a 2021 study by the American Psychiatric Assn.
Licensed therapist Adriana Alejandre, founder of a national directory of Latinx therapists called Latinx Therapy, advises individuals to understand the triggers that might come up during the festive celebrations before they reunite with family.
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“Themes that come up are, ‘Where is the partner?’ Body changes, pressures about careers, grades. … It could be ‘When are you having children?’” Alejandre said. After identifying possible triggers, Alejandre encourages individuals to set personal boundaries to protect themselves emotionally.
Here are some healthy ways to navigate through some touchy subjects.
Relationships
Though responding to questions about your relationship status with a funny anecdote might feel like the most appropriate response at the moment, Alejandre believes it is better to redirect the conversation elsewhere.
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Fighting the urge to respond aggressively could avoid future arguments since most “clap back” comments come off as passive aggressive, according to Alejandre.
“Share that you feel better off on your own, and that there is no time limit for finding someone,” Alejandre said.
Children
De Los contributor Alex Zaragoza wrote that more Latino people are choosing to wait to have children for various reasons, whether it be the cost of raising a child, the desire to accomplish personal goals, the impact of parenthood on lives and careers, or concerns over climate change or gun laws.
I love spending holidays with my family, particularly the matriarchs. But I know what comments to expect from my mom, aunts and others.
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For those who wish to get ahead of the topic, especially those who are struggling with infertility, Alejandre recommends pulling family members aside before dinner and letting them know that you do not want the topic to come up.
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“It’s important to state the boundaries that you need for you to feel safe,” Alejandre said.
Body Image
Comments about body image or weight can have lasting effects on self-esteem.
Alejandre believes that individuals should lead with their emotions while keeping responses short.
She suggests telling family members, “Your comments make me feel blank [insert emotion here]. I’m not comfortable with the comment. I would rather not discuss my body at the dinner table.”
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Alejandre encourages pulling family members aside to have the conversation privately.
However, if the family member deflects or plays things off as a joke, Alejandre urges individuals to maintain honesty by using “I” statements.
“I understand. I hear you. It still doesn’t take away how it made me feel when I heard those words,” Alejandre proposes.
Sexuality
Not everyone feels comfortable talking about their sexuality with their family. If that is the case, Alejandre believes that individuals should do what is necessary to protect themselves, whether it be not responding to invasive questions or leaving the environment altogether.
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For those who feel safe discussing the topic, Alejandre recommends an educational approach by asking family members about their own sexuality: “What was sexuality like for you growing up? What were the assumptions that were being made in school, through the restrooms, through books, through what you saw on TV?”
Career
Questions about pay, promotions or unemployment can heighten anxieties during an already stressful time. By leaning into curiosity, individuals can reframe their family’s concerns.
“I think this pressure comes from the parent’s side of anxiety, so when we understand questions as a sign of projection then it helps us not get so reactive,” Alejandre said.
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This could look like asking questions like, “What are some of the concerns that you have?” Alejandre suggests.
If there is pushback to questions about your career or the overall idea that you are not doing enough in life, it could be helpful to acknowledge but reschedule the conversation for another time.
“This is such an important conversation. Let’s discuss this topic on a different day, or on a different week,” is a response that Alejandre recommends.
Therapy pages to follow
While it is no substitution for actual therapy sessions, social media can be a resource for individuals looking to comprehend their triggers and trauma.
Here are some Latinx therapist accounts on Instagram that can help you navigate the holiday blues.
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