The fleeting, fragile nature of memory, love

“Once the idea is gone, everything is gone,” Fiona Anderson (Julie Christie) says to her husband, Grant (Gordon Pinsent) and two of their friends after reaching for a bottle of wine during dinner and instantly forgetting what it is, what it’s for and what it’s called.

Fiona and Grant are a bookish, childless couple in their 60s living alone in a storybook cabin in Ontario, where they spend their days cross-country skiing and reading aloud to each other. The only perceptible blot on their idyllic existence is Fiona’s progressive memory loss, which she tries to stave off with sticky notes stuck on kitchen cabinets and drawers to remind her what’s in them -- which Grant is convinced will only make her memory worse.

Grant’s inability to accept his wife’s disease and Fiona’s surprisingly serene resignation are the initial catalysts for the unexpected story that unfolds in “Away From Her,” the insightful and eloquent filmmaking debut of actress Sarah Polley, who wrote and directed the film from a short story by Alice Munro. Fiona has decided to check herself into an assisted living facility before becoming a burden or a danger to her husband, and Grant opposes the idea because he cannot imagine his life without her. At dinner with their friends Fiona tries to explain: “I’m plagued by the sense that I’ve forgotten something terribly important but can’t remember what it is,” she says, hinting at one of the film’s most poignant observations about marriage and long-term love. “I just wander around half the time trying to figure out what was so important earlier.”

Fiona and Grant have been married 44 years, and it’s surely not divulging too much to say they haven’t all been easy. But Grant’s reluctance to move his wife into the nursing home becomes even greater when he learns of the facility’s policy not to allow visits or phone calls for the first 30 days. “Give them the month to settle in and they’re happy as clams,” the officious supervisor Madeleine (Wendy Crewson) tells him. Unconvinced, Grant befriends a sympathetic nurse, Kristy (Kristen Thomson), who promises him regular updates, but otherwise is left with no choice but to accept the policy and his wife’s wishes.

What takes place after the month has passed comes as a surprise, but as happens often in this film, which gracefully defies expectations throughout, it’s not the initial surprise that gets to you but the effect it has on the characters in the long run, like winds that shape trees. The ephemeral nature of love, the ephemeral nature of memory -- or are they more etched into us, more solid and physical than we think? -- are explored as Grant makes new acquaintances and tries to come to terms with how his life has changed.

Much has been made of Polley’s age (28), especially in relation to her material, but well intentioned as this sort of comment has mostly been, I think it’s unfair.

What distinguishes “Away From Her” is that it takes an honest, clear-eyed view of a subject that is talked about constantly but about which little is actually said.

“Away From Her” focuses on what love is like after the honeymoon stage, which Polley, who has been married for a few years, has said is the stage most interesting to her. What’s remarkable to me is that more young people aren’t making more films as confident as this.

“I think people are too demanding,” Fiona says. “People want to be in love every single day. What a liability.” To hear these wry but wise words from the mouth of Julie Christie, as astonishingly beautiful as ever but even more compelling, is to revel in the rare pleasure of a sly line, delivered by a woman whose experience has made her more interesting, not less. Pinsent gives a beautifully understated performance as a man who’s still growing up, and Olympia Dukakis is memorable in a smaller role. Shot in Ontario by Luc Montpellier and edited by Polley’s husband, David Wharnsby, “Away From Her” is poignant, wise and unafraid -- just the sort of film for a young person, or any person, for that matter, to make.

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“Away From Her.” MPAA rating: PG-13 for some strong language. Running time: 1 hour, 40 minutes. Exclusively at Pacific’s ArcLight, 6360 W Sunset Blvd. (at Ivar Ave.) (323) 464-4226; Laemmle’s Monica, 1332 2nd St., Santa Monica (310) 394-9741.