Candy etiquette for Easter feasters

Candy has its rituals. Anyone who has come home with a Halloween trick-or-treat bag knows how to sort the loot and eat it in a precise order.

Those graced with a Valentine box of chocolates know how to attack the various pieces in an almost military fashion -- there’s a strict hierarchy of creamy and nougat centers. And Christmas is full of candy highs (chocolate-covered cherries) and lows (hard wintergreen and clove suckables).

Easter is no different. The candy choices are as gorgeous as they are varied. Of all the holidays, it presents the best lineup of sweets; hardly any losers.

But Easter has its own specialized candy ritual -- how to devour the bounty stacked inside the cello-green basket.

Yes, there are specific -- but not necessarily logical -- ways in which to eat traditional Easter candy. Just as the swallows return to Capistrano each year, there is an inborn instinct connected with the spoils of the Easter basket. Here’s how we see it:

* Large Chocolate Rabbit

1. Remove all foil and assess whether solid or hollow. Solid is always preferable. Immediately chomp off ears, leaving bunny head. Some rabbits are profiles -- same rules apply.

2. Usually, there is a large base of the rabbit (in order that Peter Cottontail may stand upright). Bite off the great nugget of the base.

3. Nibble off any bumps such as the arms so that you are left with a nice, almost-oval block of chocolate. Now, treat this as you would a candy bar and eat from one end to the other.

* Marshmallow Peep

1. Pull Peeps apart from their Rockettes-like formation. You want to deal with single baby chicks. If eyes are flawed, eat damaged birds first.

2. Sever chick head in one merciless bite. You may then pop the rest of the body in mouth. Suck off sugar in mouth before swallowing.

3. Alternatively, entire Peep can be put in mouth and gently swished about to remove all sugar. Pull bald, fetal chick from mouth, inspect the glistening body, then chew to bits.

* Cadbury Egg

1. Remove foil and palm the egg to appreciate its shape and formidable weight. Next, bite tip from the small end to release sugary yolk and white. Fresh ones ooze a bit; old ones are gluey.

2. After licking the eggy innards, delicately break egg in half along the visible seam. Lick out any remaining yolk and white. (Some folk prefer to eat them like Oreos, separating the egg first, then licking.)

3. At your leisure, eat the two sides of the cracked egg, eating from the thinnest wall structure to the thickest. Caution: Cadbury Eggs are excessively sweet.

* Jellybeans or Jelly Eggs

1. First, eggs must be located and pulled from the basket since they tend to all fall to bottom and get clumped up in the annoying grass.

2. Sort through and remove any sticky, smashed or marred eggs. Next, classify them by color, eating the least desirable first (black, yellow, green, orange).

3. Savor the choice colors: pink, purple and red. By the way, what flavor is the white egg? Best to be avoided like the stringy white thing that clings to the yolk of a real egg. Ick.