Lakers Going Hollyweird

Live from (Planet) Hollywood, it’s . . . Dennis!

At a press conference he called himself that started late, appropriately enough, and wasn’t attended by any Laker official, Dennis Rodman announced he would sign a contract with the team Monday night.

It was a one-of-a-kind affair, with real life seeming to poke through his act as Rodman exchanged jibes with reporters, then finally broke down and cried.

“I’m not going to never win in the game of basketball, right?” he said, tears streaming from behind his sunglasses and running down his cheeks.

“No matter what I do. . . . No matter what I do for this league and for the game of basketball, I’m going to never win. And in a situation like this, when I’m playing for a minimum wage--I’m getting what, $250,000?--and I got 10 charities, I’m going to give $10,000 to each charity. That’s $100,000. I’m getting paid $150,000 on top of that, and even with this, doing this right here, I’m still not going to win.”

As if to underline the distance that still separates him from the Lakers, the organization stayed mum.

Jerry West was out of town, Jerry Buss unavailable. The only on-the-record comment came from General Manager Mitch Kupchak, who issued a prepared statement, reiterating the team’s position.

“We’ve been saying for the past couple of weeks that we would like to have Dennis Rodman on our team,” Kupchak said. “Now that he has announced his desire and intention to play for us, we hope to sign a deal and see him in a Lakers’ uniform some time very soon.”

However, “very soon” didn’t mean Monday’s game at Denver, or tonight’s in Vancouver. Rodman was expected to sign a two-year deal today and probably play Thursday against the Clippers at the Arrowhead Pond.

“I don’t think I need to go to Denver,” Rodman said. “I think there’s enough distraction as it is. I think I’ll wait until they come back and I can go to practice and be with the guys and hope they accept me. If they feel like I’m not the ingredient to go on this team, I’ll just step away. . . .

“I had to make sure I really want to be on a team that needs to grow. And I’ve been through this cycle with Detroit, San Antonio and now with Chicago. I don’t want to take a major step back. I say the hell with that. . . .

“I wasn’t ready to make it [this decision] because I wasn’t sure that I was ready to go back and try to be 22 years old again, OK?

“What got me over the hump was the fact I’m bored, I’m tired of not doing anything. I want to go back out and entertain the people. I’m looking at the games, trying to focus, get my rhythm back, trying to get my mental capacity back and my desire and drive to play basketball. And it just don’t come overnight. It just don’t come overnight, OK?”

It was a typical rambling, often off-color Rodman performance, in which he started by suggesting that he still hadn’t made up his mind.

“There’s a lot of things that has to occur before I can even step on the floor with the Lakers,” he said. “ . . . All I ask of Jerry Buss and Jerry West is, if they really want me on this team, they have to let me know and reassure me that they’re going to make me happy, on and off the floor.”

Then he reversed himself and said he would sign a contract Monday night.

He showed off his championship rings, which he had in a little display case.

He critiqued the young Lakers, noting he didn’t “want to go into a situation where I’m trying to discipline kids or I’m trying to coach kids and do other things I should be doing. . . .

“All these guys want to be superstars. These guys have to understand, when we play together, we’re all superstars. Shaq [O’Neal] is a superstar, Kobe [Bryant] is a superstar. Eddie Jones, if he’s still here, is a superstar. Everyone has to play a role. With Chicago, we only had three guys that carried the team and everyone was in the supporting cast. This team doesn’t understand that right now, OK?”

He tried to defend drawing negotiations out for three weeks, finally bristling when KCBS’ Lisa Guerrero asked if he wasn’t being selfish.

“I’ve been a team player, honey.” Rodman said. “I’ve been a team player for 13 years, I’ve got five championships, seven rebound titles, I’ve been in the finals 10 years. . . . For you to say something like that, you got problems. . . . It’s amazing, when Michael Jordan retired, he wasn’t selfish. When Michael Jordan came back, you people right here kissed his . . . . All of a sudden, I do something like this and I’m selfish.

“Another thing I want to put out there, I missed 10 games and I gave $1 million to charity . . . “

And he started to weep.

His sister, Debra, who has been involved in negotiations, stepped to his side and consoled him--”That’s OK, that’s OK. He’s worked so hard and these people cut him up.”--as shouts of “We love you, Dennis,” came from the crowd.

What did anyone expect? He’s not your average basketball player. This won’t be your average season.

More on Dennis Rodman is available on The Times’ Web site. Go to http://netblogpro.com/rodman

* BILL PLASCHKE: The Lakers risk their reputation by agreeing to sign the one person who can ruin it. A1

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Rodman By the Numbers

13.2: Rodman’s career rebounding average

8: Times Rodman has been named to all-defensive first or second team.

7: Consecutive rebounding titles Rodman has won

5: Championship teams Rodman has been on (Detroit: ‘89, ‘90; Chicago: ‘96,’97,’98)

22: Seasons since a Laker has led league in rebounding (Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, 16.9, 1975-76)

16; Rank on all-time rebounding list (11,525)

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Rodman’s Career

BORN: May 13, 1961

HEIGHT: 6-7

COLLEGE: Southeastern Oklahoma St.

TOTAL RECORD: 686-298, .6977

*

‘86-87

PISTONS: 52-30

Averaged only 15 minutes a game

REBOUNDS PER GAME: 4.3

‘87-88

PISTONS: 54-28 East Champions

Only season Rodman averaged over 10 points a game (11.6)

REBOUNDS PER GAME: 8.7

‘88-89

PISTONS: 63-19 NBA champions

Won field-goal percentage title (5.95).

REBOUNDS PER GAME: 9.4

‘89-90

PISTONS: 59-23 NBA champions

Pistons were 39-4 in games Rodman started.

REBOUNDS PER GAME: 9.7

‘90-91

PISTONS: 50-32

Wins second consecutive defensive player of the year award.

REBOUNDS PER GAME: 12.5

‘91-92

PISTONS: 48-34

Has 20 or more rebounds in 39 games.

REBOUNDS PER GAME: 18.7

‘92-93

PISTONS: 40-42

Led the league in rebounding average and total rebounds despite missing 20 games with an injury.

REBOUNDS PER GAME: 18.3

‘93-94

SPURS: 55-27

Spurs go from worst to first in offensive rebounding.

Started coloring hair in 1993.

REBOUNDS PER GAME: 17.3

‘94-95

SPURS: 62-20

Missed 33 games because of suspension and injury.

REBOUNDS PER GAME: 16.8

‘95-96

BULLS: 72-10 NBA champions

Joins Wilt Chamberlain (Warriors, 76ers, Lakers) as the only two players to win rebounding title with three teams.

REBOUNDS PER GAME: 14.9

‘96-97

BULLS: 69-13 NBA champions

Grabbed double-figure rebounds in 54 of the 55 games he played.

REBOUNDS PER GAME: 16.1

‘97-98

BULLS: 62-20 NBA champions

Wins seventh consecutive rebounding title.

REBOUNDS PER GAME: 15.0