In ‘Carpenter’s Vampires,’ the Genre Takes the Stake

Twenty years ago John Carpenter came up with “Halloween,” which became a classic, but for this Allhallows Eve his savage horror comedy “Vampires” is more trick than treat, and more trash than anything else. It’s so ludicrous--every scene is a sendup, intentionally or otherwise--that it would seem that Carpenter is making an all-out attempt at what he surely knows to be impossible: to drive a stake through the entire vampire genre.

At least Carpenter, who also composed the film’s hard-driving score, proceeds with exuberance and energy. That’s also true of his star James Woods, who sets the film’s tone for sheer outrageousness as a manic, foul-mouthed vampire slayer in the employ of the Vatican. The Vatican?

According to Don Jakoby’s determinedly lurid script, back in 1340 a priest named Father Johann Valek led a revolt of a group of presumably oppressed Bohemian peasants, which resulted in the Church conducting an exorcism of Valek that somehow--don’t ask precisely how--backfired. The effect of all this was to turn Valek into the world’s first vampire.

Woods’ Jack Crow, his burly sidekick Montoya (Daniel Baldwin) and his crew of Vatican mercenaries, who look to have been recruited from the Hell’s Angels, have been summoned to New Mexico to exterminate a nest of vampires. Crow is a whiz with a crossbow, and the downed vampires are hauled out to the sunlight via a winch attached to Crow’s truck.

Once the sun’s rays hit them they incinerate. It’s a dangerous, bloody business but somebody’s gotta do it, and who better than Jack, whose introduction to the profession came when he was forced to slay his own father when the man turned into a vampire.

The local padre understands that these vampire slayers, having finished their grisly task, are going to want to have a little R&R;, and he’s arranged for booze and girls at a local motel. Just when the party starts to swing, with the priest himself getting a little tiddly, Valek (Thomas Ian Griffith), who has a specific reason for being in the Southwest, turns up to be the ultimate party pooper, leaving in his wake 19 dead, with Crow and Montoya barely escaping with their lives.

They have in tow a hooker (Sheryl Lee), whom Valek has put the bite on, but, because she now has a telepathic link to Valek, can theoretically lead Crow and Montoya to him for a final showdown. Along the way, Crow is determined to find out who set up him and his crew. Meanwhile, Crow has a meeting with his boss, no less a cardinal (Maximilian Schell), who assigns to him a scholarly young priest (Tim Guinee), a colossal good sport and a handy expository device for the filmmakers.

Woods has all the lines, but everybody’s game, and we get a sizable slice of New Mexico scenery and historic locales thrown in. But in the end “John Carpenter’s Vampires” is junk, and it leaves you with the feeling that its makers know it, too.

* MPAA rating: R, for strong vampire violence and for language and sexuality. Times guidelines: The violence is extreme, with much dismemberment and entrails. The language is strong.

‘John Carpenter’s Vampires’

James Woods: Jack Crow

Daniel Baldwin: Montoya

Sheryl Lee: Katrina

Valek: Thomas Ian Griffith

Maximilian Schell: Cardinal Alba

A Columbia Pictures and Largo Entertainment presentation of a Storm King production. Director-composer John Carpenter. Producer Sandy King. Executive producer Barr Potter. Screenplay by Dan Jakoby; based on the novel “Vampires” by John Steakley. Cinematographer Gary B. Kibbe. Editor Edward A. Warschilka. Costumes Robin Michel Bush. Production designer Thomas A. Walsh. Art director Kim Hix. Set decorator David Schlesinger. Running time: 1 hour, 40 minutes.

* In general release throughout Southern California.