GODDESS PLUCKED FROM ON HIGH : Petite Flower Judy Tenuta Grows Wild on Divine Comedy

Here’s a tip for anyone interviewing Judy Tenuta, the self-proclaimed high priestess of camp and happiness. Simply introduce yourself and start taking notes. She’ll handle the rest.

Seems like she’s always bothered or put out by someone or something. And the Love Goddess is eager to share these thoughts, without benefit of euphemisms.

A phone call to somewhere in Sherman Oaks on Monday confirmed this. A very basic first question: Specifically where in Sherman Oaks? “Why? So you can stalk me?”

Tenuta was off and running, keeping straight answers to a minimum, as usual. True to form, not much about her can be pinned down; even her official press release is an extension of her act (unless, of course, she really did get a degree in theater and lingerie lunches at the University of Illinois.)

About the only thing we’re safe saying is that the Petite Flower, now in her late 30s, grew up as one of eight children in a Polish-Italian home in the Chicago suburb of Oak Park. We can also document that she’s a performer who has done quite well for someone strapped to an accordion while wearing flowing gowns and accepting unquestioning worship from males--whom she frequently refers to as furniture, swine, trolls, love slaves and stud puppets.

Fans can see this siren of the surreal Friday through Sunday at the Irvine Improv.

Asking a straight question of Tenuta is akin to leading with one’s chin. Even a simple ice-breaker such as “How did you get your start in comedy?” is greeted ruefully.

“Oh, c’mon, studsicle!” she scolded in her trademark trill, which often slinks into a guttural attack. “You can’t be serious. It was like, I could be a serial killer, or B) I could do this. I was left on a doorstep in swaddling clothes and Elvis found me. ‘I must act, I told him.’ ”

It was Elvis, she added, who suggested the Judyism angle. That turned out to be good advice. Her signature religion caught on, lifting her from the pack of normal stand-up comics as well as lifting her followers out of their daily grinds. To worship at the feet of the Aphrodite of the Accordion is to give one’s self to a higher being. (She’s up on the stage, you’re not.)

Discussing the peg that makes her different among comedians was one of the few times her voice fell into a street-level tone and the interview had any sense of propriety.

“The most important thing is I’m making people happy. I have a reason for being here, the ritual of Judyism. The whole experience of Judyism. Maybe someone will come up and show me their new butt clamp. Judyism makes you lose your inhibitions.”

It happens across the country, but she quickly recalled a West Coast episode to illustrate this phenomenon.

“In San Francisco, this guy comes on stage--right out of ‘Rosemary’s Baby,’ devil worship, all in black and his head shaved. And he’s got a cream pie. He says, ‘Please throw this in my face. I’m a pie sexual.’ I’m going, ‘Hello?’ ”

But it doesn’t stop at pie tossing. She mentioned several examples of body piercing that boggle the imagination.

“That’s the beauty of my show. The act is very cathartic. . . . I don’t know what it is. In my act, people have a need to come up and confess something. That’s why the goddess is here, to help people. You don’t have to pierce (yourself) to feel alive. (These people) are deadened in society.”

Tenuta’s list of credits is impressive. Besides playing “Lady of Spain” on her accordion at Chicago Cubs games in her formative years (those would’ve been great days to witness), Tenuta went on to write “The Power of Judyism,” earn an ACE award as top comedian, tape cable specials, star in Dr Pepper ads and record two albums (“Buy This, Pigs!” and the latest, “Attention Butt Pirates and Lesbetarians” because “I want to be politically correct”).

But after more than a decade of living on a pedestal, her next move, she says, is into movies or a television series. But given the off-the-wall nature of her persona, both fields will take some work. (“I’m under the weight limit to get a sitcom, like Roseanne.”)

“I’d love to be in the movies,” she said seriously, before relapsing. “I was supposed to do the Meryl Streep role in ‘Out of Africa,’ but she needed the work, so I let her have it. I’d like the lead in ‘Babe, the Blue Ox,’ or something really glamorous like that.”

Back in the real world, she’s scheduled to do a music video with Weird Al Yankovic this week, and she’s also working on a development deal with Klasky-Csupo for an animated TV series.

Hollywood and the High Priestess, however, are not a perfect match. Executives don’t know quite how to package her, and she is frustrated by the standoff. (“This town sucks hippo” is how she puts it, actually.) Lately, she said, she’s been spending time auditioning and being rejected because she isn’t more like Melanie Griffith. Her frustration doesn’t stop there, though. She thinks TV shows are straying from humor.

“I tend to like punch lines and jokes. I thought that was important to comedy. Maybe I’ll do ‘Married With Power Tools.’ I’m the wife, and my husband is Carrot Top. And my lover is someone really straight, like George Hamilton. And I have a kid, and I don’t know whose it is. It has a tan and red hair.”

So for now, live performances remain her staple. And as a true giver and expert in affairs of the heart, the Love Goddess’ job doesn’t stop when she leaves the stage. She’s always there to help her fans over the rough spots, including Tom and Roseanne during their recent split.

“Oh my god. They’re always calling me for advice,” she said, now firmly back in the ethereal world. “I don’t need that tubosaurus around. She makes $20 million a year. That’s a lot for a farm animal. She wants me to see her new beauty mark. ‘Oh, is that where the comet hit you?’ ”

She’s also expanding the ranks of not-so-famous she draws into her celestial circle.

“I’m getting older people now, which is fun for me,” she said, temporarily touching land again. “It’s really cute. Or little kids. Ten-year-old boys come up to me at the airport. Like I’ve got sunglasses on, and I ask them how they knew it was me. ‘Well, duh, your name’s on your accordion.’ ”

Not exactly proper respect for a goddess, but as future followers, the Petite Flower forgives them their sins of youth.

* Who: Judy Tenuta.

* When: Friday, Sept. 2, at 8:30 and 10:30 p.m.; Saturday, Sept. 3, at 8 and 10:30 p.m., and Sunday, Sept. 4, at 8 p.m.

* Where: The Improv, 4255 Campus Drive, Irvine.

* Whereabouts: Take the San Diego (405) Freeway to the Jamboree Road exit and head south. Turn left onto Campus Drive. The Improv is in the Irvine Marketplace shopping center, across from UC Irvine.

* Wherewithal: $12 on Sunday, $15 Friday and Saturday.

* Where to call: (714) 854-5455.