“Real Housewives of Atlanta’: The manicured claws are out

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All good things must come to an end. Thursday marked the season finale of the ‘Real Housewives of Atlanta’ … Say it isn’t so!

What would an episode be without a reference to Sheree’s long-overdue fashion show? With the “who’s who of Atlanta” awaiting her debut (um, sure), Sher — er, Dwight was working overtime to make sure every detail was in place: telling people when to start eyebrows and eyelashes, giving orders on lighting, and everything in between. The day of the show, Sheree leisurely strolled in as preparations were underway; she was more concerned with getting a hairpiece than making sure hem lines were in place.

The line finally made its way down the runway. Lisa, who arrived on time and in a fashion-show appropriate (though, questionable) outfit, did not seem too impressed with the collection. Sheree was too busy posing for pictures to care. Is it just me, or has she gone to the school of Tyra Banks? Looks like Sheree has taken one too many “Smiling With Your Eyes” courses.

Moving on …

For Lisa, things got a little too real. With her husband Ed unable to reclaim his NFL glory, the couple were faced with having to adjust their lavish lifestyle. Bowling lanes in the home? No more, it seems. Ed suggested they downsize and move back to the nine-acre ‘bachelor pad’ he had before they got married and now use for storage. What? Doesn’t everyone use their side nine-acre home to store furniture? The spouses returned to the property to scope it out and it wasn’t long before they started running off a list of amenities to be added to the existing property. A gym. Circular driveway. Pool. Paved walkway. Guest house. Um … how is that downsizing? “Downsizing to us is still downsizing to multimillion-dollar homes.” Poor, poor Lisa.

But on to more pressing matters: the cat fight! Did NeNe really choke Kim? NeNe shared her story with Dwight about the incident; Kim did the same with Kandi. From that, viewers are expected to draw their conclusions as to what really happened. Of course, the claws came out because of “Tardy for the Party” — seriously, that song has so much power, it’s beyond comprehension. So here’s what we know: They were yelling at each other. Fingers were pointed. On a scale of one to 10, they’re disagreement was a 10, according to NeNe. “We’ve had some sevens, some eights and some nines, but this time it was a 10 … ding!” Kim says NeNe choked her. NeNe says her instinct was to protect herself after Kim slapped her hand first; but she never really says she choked Kim. Bravo, why was this altercation not captured on camera!? But NeNe has a solution for all of this: Kim needs to sit with a personality disorder specialist. Oh, NeNe.

The two attempted to discuss the altercation … but that just led to more yelling. And more interview shots of Kim’s chest bursting out of a doily.

But perhaps the best moments of the episode were the words that came out of NeNe’s mouth. Here’s a sampling (all related to Kim, of course):

• “Is your wig squeezing your head too tight, heifer?”
• “You and your wig, get out of my life.”
• “I’d rather pluck every toenail, one by one … than be friends with Kim.”
• “I hope Kim and Kandi and ‘Tardy for the Party’ go jump in the f- river and drown.”