TCA: Rapper Coolio and his new reality

This article was originally on a blog post platform and may be missing photos, graphics or links. See About archive blog posts.

We can say one definitive thing about Grammy-winning rapper Coolio: He’s not boring.

Coolio and four of his children (he has six) appeared at the Beverly Hilton to promote their new Oxygen reality series, ‘Coolio’s Rules.’ Before they sat down for a news conference, the family performed. While Coolio and his son, Artis Ivey, rapped, his three daughters -- Jackie Ivey, Brandi Ivey and Artisha Ivey -- did something similar to the Electric Slide. Let’s just say this did not bring visions of the Von Trapp family.

Moving along to the press conference: TV critics learned many things about this family. Even things they did not want to know. Such as Coolio’s pronouncement that his daughters are virgins right before the session ended or that he loves ‘hoes’ and likes to bring them home to show his daughters what kind of women they should not grow up to be.

Fortunately for the girls -- Jackie is in high school and Brandi and Artisha are in community college -- they do not seem to need Daddy’s advice. They seem grounded beyond their years and completely capable of putting their 44-year-old father in his place. Which they do often.

‘He doesn’t know what he needs,’ offered Brandi about her father’s choices of women. ‘He definitely knows what he wants.’

‘A nongold-digger,’ Dad-Coolio interjected.

‘He’ll like somebody because their boobs are big or something, and we’re like, ‘She’s dumb!’ ‘ Brandi replied.

‘Maybe she’s dumb, but I don’t need her to be smart,’ Coolio said. ‘I don’t want her to pay my bills. I just want her to lay around and look good.’

‘We don’t need that, how about that?’ Brandi said matter-of-factly.

After some back and forth with his daughters over his women -- some apparently have had mustaches or been body builders -- Coolio ended the conversation by declaring: ‘Eventually she goes away, right, like a wart?’

In the series, which premieres in October, viewers will watch Coolio juggle raising his children, who are living with him after a divorce, with his music career, a new clothing line and a new catering business.

Asked if he’s having a midlife crisis, Coolio responded:

‘I think I already had my midlife crisis. I’m divorced for about eight years. I’m still having trust issues with women. Put it this way, I got robbed by my ex-wife. I’m comfortable with being 44. I really am. This is entirely true: Bring a 24-year-old in here and watch the difference between him and me. Let me sleep with his girlfriend and let him sleep with mine and we’ll see who’s really 24 and who’s 44. Most artists stop rapping at my age. I’m at my peak when it comes to my writing skills and the art of hip hop. I’m a much better performer and a much better writer. I’m just not as pretty. And my hair is not as thick. I have a plan. I’m trying to be the first rapper to go platinum at 50. At 50, I’m gonna make my last album, titled ‘Old Man River.’ At that point, I’m gonna completely show you why they call me Mr. Burns.’

Coolio also revealed that he disciplines his kids, mostly, by denying them money. Does he give them their own credit cards?

‘Hell to the no! We’d be living downtown in a cardboard box. I give them cash. Sometimes I take them shopping. Most often not. I’m not cheap, but I’m thrifty. Right after my divorce, I went through a period where it got kind of rough, bro. I was having money problems. Imagine having money and then not having money and being one of the most recognized celebrity rappers in the world and not having money, man; it was rough. It waas rough, bro.’

We have no idea if this show will be a hit, but we predict Joel McHale will have a field day with it on ‘The Soup.’

-- Maria Elena Fernandez